1 1. Newscasters begin
predicting snow days in advance, however they rarely say “snow,” instead
calling it “the white stuff.” Lower ranked reporters, stationed along
highway overpasses, come up with new ways to announce that nothing is
happening, while attempting to remember why they majored in journalism. Since
local weather forecasters have cried wolf one time too many few believe there
will be any snow anyway.
2. Those who do
succumb to the media-fueled frenzy crowd local supermarkets to load up on food
they fear will not be available again for a long time. Only a few prepare by putting
chains in the trunks of their cars.
3. When it does
begin to snow school district administrators carefully monitor road conditions
and wait until roads are at their worst to release all children from school.
4. Panicked parents
leave their jobs and hurry home as quickly as possible. People without young
children see parents leaving and the herd mentality kicks in. Everyone flees
all places of employment at the exact same time.
5. Having nearly every single person in the metropolitan area
getting behind the wheel at the same moment causes gridlock. Many drivers put their cars and SUV’s in ditches. Most
of these vehicles are four-wheel drive or were being driven by people who grew
up in warm climates, like Southeast Asia.
6. Transplants who
grew up in places where there’s real snow go about their business and wait
until the crazies get off the road. Despite their winter driving experience most Oregonians do not listen to them.
7 7. Upon arriving
home the Oregonian becomes a whirlwind of activity, attempting to make cocoa,
put on a ski sweater and slippers, light a fire in the fireplace, make a tiny
snowman, and Facebook everyone about it all at the same time, while being
pleased with having once again come through the weather event unscathed.
And thus the pattern will
repeat next year.
Photo KOIN-TV
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